Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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