Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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