we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
