Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
