Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
