im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
