@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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