I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
