She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
