girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
