He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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