C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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