so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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