sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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