how hairy? two words: wookie tits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
