I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
