Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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