Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize