my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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