so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
