Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
