we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
MIDGETS
????
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
