I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize