Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
