pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My dad just said "fuck circus"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
