I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
