The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
