you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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