Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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