ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
