Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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