i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
