it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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