Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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