Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
