just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
