She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
