My cat gives me a boner
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Even my vagina gasped.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
