living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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