Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
