so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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