i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
