The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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