oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
