It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
