the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
