My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
