my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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