thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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