Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
