I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
