my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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