My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
