I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize