Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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