It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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