so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
