:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
