i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My bed smells like the plague
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
