he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
