Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
