And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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