Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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