Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
