I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
