I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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