Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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