Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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