I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize