I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
