So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
