dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
