Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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