Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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