i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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