dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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