saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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